Fighting the dark Side

Trying to fight with the dark side of me for the past some days or it is the guilt that making me rest less and corroding me from inside.

Is it my past life where i was a loser or is it the normal human behavior or is it the evil spirit inside me or is it the painful solitude.

How I fell into such a thing, how i did this kind of brutality with my self , how i faked my soul, how i played with someone's feelings. How i wore that mask.

It's late to use so many Hows and whys. Its the end or may be it should be the end.I can't grind the broken things into powder. My hands already hurt trying to fix it again.

Do i realy want to fix it again or i just want to ran away from it. But what will happen to the innocence i broke, the pains i gave , the faiths i faked.

They say all the things in this universe changes its form from one to another.So what will be the origins from these foul air i spread in the name of belief.

To whom I sd confess, to whom I sd ask for help. May be nobody will forgive me, I do n't deserve it.How can i escape from it. I realy can't face it or may be i don't want to face this.

They say I am a sadist, but if am a sadist, why this feeling, why this feeling of loss. Why my spirits going down the drain.

Standing at The cross Roads

They say life rolls back infront of ur eyes when it comes to death.

For me it was like sitting on my mom's lap and looking at the clear twinkling sky on summer nights.

It was like listening stories from my grand maa and asking silly questions and getting a hug from her with a teeth less laugh and with the hands with skin which feels just like paper.

It was like getting a Cadbury on each of my B'days from my Sis for a 22 years at a strech.

It was like the smile on my fathers face on the day i got through placement.

It was like the tears that came automatically from my eyes when i saw my mom standing at the airport to receive me when i came back from Libya for the first time after two long years.

They say that darkness coups arround you when it comes to death.

For me it was like the brightness of the happiness, joys & affection i experienced all my life, giving a farewell to me.

How some one would feel sad with all these beauty , love & affection arround him.

Suddenly my heart fills like a ballon with all these happiness, joy and beauty i happen to share in my life.

So i decided to keep these as the sweetest memories for the life i am going to start.

And i crossed the road.................................