Feeling like a celebrity

Till 5 pm last sunday , I was convinced the day would go down as the worst day of my life , my personal 'Black sunday' or something . My shoes smelt like ammonium nitrate . The signals on my cell were as weak as an underfed riya sen . And I was wearing the same shirt for the third consecutive day ( I was lucky my co workers thought the smell was from a dead rat in the water cooler ) . So after excusing my self from the office with a little tabiyat ka bahana , I went to the beach hoping for a time better than the day had been . ( Infact I hoped to end up rolling in the sand with a couple of blondes , but anything less glamorous would have been well received too ). As I stood near the waves watching the sun set and wondering where my next clean shirt would come from , this person walks upto me and asks "Is your name Anirudh ?".I nervously shifted on my feet and did a little mental check of the safest direction to run away , because I thought he was from the shopping mall near my house .( I am a regular visitor there with the intention of bulling with the sales girls. Little devil I am. ) But it turned out the man reads this blog and recognised me from my pictures on orkut . His family was with him too and even they were aware of my existence . We spent quite some time chatting and though it did not involve anyone rolling in the sand , the sheer unexpectedness of the thing and the warmth of the family promptly transformed my black sunday into a sparkling floodlights lit surf excel washed Sweet Sunday with some home made bengali sweets which they offered me.

Then i realised that at times , even though we are rude , wicked , selfish , insensitive and other words associated with an excited Gulshan Grover , such moments remind me that in our hearts we still want to be loving and caring.

Its been a very lonley life for me for the past 4 years, With all these old men around, without a friend close by to share anything. (Not chaadies). Even my family memebrs are getting bored talking to me more than 10 mins.

So I am planning to comapny my self and I also plan to stop over at the beach regulary. You never know , someone blonde may just agree to roll in the sand with me .

The Dove is Happy, Flying...............

Place the nail lightly on the wood. Don’t hold it too hard. It should be held lightly.Vertically.The tip just touching the wood's surface.Now.Now.Bring down the hammer in one graceful swipe , hitting the head of the nail right on.Thuck.The nail slides down the wood , passing through its interiors in one smooth motion till its head stops against the surface.

Dear "bored-with-work" / "bored-without-work" readers,that was it. That was the last nail in the coffee colored teak coffin of my little story with "her". She has found someone better than me. She is with him now, And after all the tears and hurt I gave her , even Osama Bin Laden with all his Bazookas and Rocket Launchers would seem better than me. But Seriously,"he" must be a better guy than me. Am I sad ? I do not know. There is this stupid tree with the breeze of life passing through it. A dove comes along on sits on this tree's branch.The tree wants this dove to stay forever.But it flies off , because it has to. And the tree should be happy. The dove left its branch. But somewhere , this dove is flying , sailing in a cool breeze and happy.

And its all my doing. Trust me . All my doing.

Regrets. I do not believe in them. Memories. They stay forever.But they are just black and white Kodak moments from the past. And Life is to be lived.
Lived. Love is not about finding someone to love oneself.Its about loving someone.Oh my.Love.Pretty confusing word. Infact , love has been confused with 'possession' by these hat wearing bollywood directors who keep shouting 'cut' and 'action' and 'lights' all day.

Advani meets Sonia. Advani whispers "Kehdo na , you are my Sonia".This is the slide where all the trouble starts. We can consider killing the director right at this scene. What Advani wants is to Sonia to remain with himself. Himself.Him.Advani.The central pin.What he wants is not Sonia to be happy.Sonia can remain happy with Manmohan. But nah.Advani wants Sonia. Not Sonia's happiness. Advani doesnt love Sonia.

He loves himself.
Sonia is happy sipping a "two-straws-one-glass" lassi with Manmohan.
So Advani Bhai , let her be happy , if you truly love her.

A mother wont ever do something which will make her child unhappy. Even if she has to undergo hurt. Because for her , There is no "Kehdo na , you are mine".Its just the child's happiness she wants. Just the child. The child. No herself. The mother just wishes a smile on her child's face. For her , she herself does not exist in the picture. Thats love.

Maybe this seems a very practically difficult way to love , but then just when you get practical about love , it ceases to be love.

I feel peaceful. She has hopefully found someone who was meant for her. Who can give her more smiles than the tears I gave to her. And my clock says its past 3 in the morning. I better find my place amongst the empty pepsi cans , dirty shirts , strewn newspapers and compact disks along with some mottu bed bugs on my bed now. Because I have to wake up to a new day tomorrow. To savour a new day of this gift , a bundle of experiences , called life.


Added Later : This post has nothing to do with any living or dead person including me, this is totally fictitious and written in anger of not having a “She” in life.
Sometime I pray to GOD asking "bhagwan girl friend nhi to atleast uski judaii ka gum to dedo"

Kitna diplomatic wish he………………… Samjh mein aya kya?

Added much later : When i wrote "Judaii ka gum" i never expected or meant that it wd be a re-eaten big babool chewing gum which i received attached to an E-mail, & for sure not from GOD.

Maaaaaaar Daaaalaaaaaaa
D E A T H.

Bad word , hai na ? Ma says its a bad word.Papa says dont say it.Its a bad word.Death , nah , dont talk about it , chup paagal.Even in the movies , the heroine places her finger on the hero's lips before he can complete the sentence and whispers "Kabhi marne kee baat matt karna.Aisa nahee kehte".

But, its coming yaar.Death.It will happen.To me.To you.Acchha yaar , now stop yelling "manhoos" , chup chaap baat sun.What if I were to die after half an hour.I shall never be able to feel ma's palm on my forehead again.I shall never hear my sister call me a gadha again.I shall never be able to tell dad that even though I always try to act smart , he is the greatest guy I have ever known. I shall never be able to tell the departmental store guy that I stole 3 eggs from his shop yesterday.Ok , dont dial 100 , the eggs wala part is not true. How could you imagine that yaar , me and stealing eggs ? Mein to last one & half years se vegetarian bangaya hun. I steal carrots and dhania.

But seriously , death scares me.It scares me to be away from my loved ones.It scares me to die without doing all the things I want to do. It scares me that I may die. But death is real. And I may die after a year. I may die tomorrow after coming from the work, If I do go to work. I may die before I complete this post.( But now that I have published it , I did not die before completing it,right ? Soch ke dekh ).

Now you may smirk and say "arre yaar , aise thode hee koee mar jaata hai".But I have seen lives shattering in the blink of an eye. A second's delay in hitting the brakes , a leaking gas cylinder , a desperate and armed domestic help in enough to change your life in a radical way , before you can say "maar daala".And not like Madhuri said it in Devdaas.

But the point is not to be scared of dying.
The point is to be scared of dying without really living.

I see around me. I see people I care for. Sometimes I see them sad . I see them clinging to bad memories , things which they cannot change , things which still hurt them , things which make tears flow down their cheeks. I know they are hurt and have reasons to feel sad. But life is not forever .Life is nothing but a limited number of moments gifted to us by god. And each moment is slipping by.Right now , a moment just passed by me , and took me closer to death , leaving me with lesser time to smile ,to crack some poor joke , to see my maa laugh , to see a friend find the happiness he deserves , to be a good person , to make someone smile , to live.And the very thought of letting such a precious moment drown in a tear leaves me restless. Why do we people hurt each other , when this life may not be long enough to love each other ?

May be you need to know that you may never get a chance to be the good man you could have been. Maybe you need to know that the moment you have been waiting for to tell others how much you love them may never arrive. May be you need to know that you may never have the time to wipe off the tears you are causing today. Maybe you need to know that death is a surprisingly unexpected reality. Maybe you need to start living the life you should.

I know I know , I am saying nothing new. But life and the things it does to people and the things people do to it continue to amuse me.In short , ek baat bolta hun , all of us should respect and enjoy the ride , because hamari life kee taxi mein petrol kabhi bhi khatm ho sakta hain. Sorry , ho sakta hai its diesel in your life kee taxi. And marne ke baad , you cant even fight with the cab driver. So smile , khush raho , muskurao , jeeyo ,and make people smile , kyunki ..kal ho na ho.Wait a minute ..kal ho na ho..yaar ye phrase kuch suna hua nahee lagta ?

Happy Belated ( Ouch! ) Birthday!
There are some moments in life when your mind feels like the inside of a salwar kameez store full of ladies during the annual discount store . There are some moments in life when you wish your leg was flexible enough to curve back and land a sunny deol-ish kick on your own behind bad enough to render your morning rituals ineffective for three months . There are some moments in life when you wish you could rewind life and clean up all the mistakes you did.

It hit me when she sent me a very comforting “I will kill you” on gtalk some time back and I blurted out a ‘Shit!’ so loud , all the babies in the neighborhood soiled their chaddis.I know I sound like I have done something as bad as becoming an unwed daddy of twins , but what I have done is worse than that – I forgot S’s birthday.

For those of you ‘jinhone apne TV set derr se khole ho’, S is a friend so close, we get any closer and the Shiv Sainiks will go berserk. I mean , the word ‘friend’ seems as weak as an A K hangal when it comes to what she is to me . Along with my family , she is one of those very few people who I know will be around all life. And even as I type this , I can’t believe I forgot her birthday. And even though I can write her a mail about this , I want this blog to know how special she is.

S , I know I have been as insensitive as a paralyzed log at times , but you are one person with whom I share too many fond memories. Doing practical together. The aimless chatter over telephone. Your mock proposal which still makes me blush. Wo ladai jhagda. Uski drawings se mera topo marna. (Don’t ask what is “Topo” , then u have to join some engineering college and study it.). Wo milke picnics, functions arrange karna, Tera practical marks keliye rona aur mera hasna , I guess they can make a seventy episode soap opera about our time together.

So now to make it up to you , I will get the date of your birthday tattooed on my arm in permanent ink even if it makes my arm look like a reminder pad . I will go around telling everyone you are a Miss India finalist even if you put on weight . I will buy you a huge exotica chocolate and that disgustingly fatty ice cream you like when I will come to India even if you don’t want to eat . I will be there on every special day of your life from your next birthday to the birthdays of your grandkids even if I have seven meetings lined up on the day . I will tell my wife your smile is dazzling enough to light up all the Bhubaneswar from power shed, even if she goes green and calls up her lawyer. I won’t regret writing all this even if “X” rearranges all the bones in my body.

And I am so sorry for being so stupid even if you say you are not angry.

Happy Belated Birthday !!