Not a Fairy Tale

Look at me.
I can't sleep.
Tell me a story, make it a tale.

Not a fairy tale........

Tell me about the old times,
Tell me about the forgotten nights.

Take me far from this world.
Take me deep into the memories.

Tell me what you remember.
Tell me about love.

Don't add anything, don't leave anything.

Take me to that once upon a time.

Make me remember the story that I want to tell you.

Tied to the past

In dreams everything is possible.

You can have the words to express how badly you are missing someone.

Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night from my nightmares.

In my nightmares I run onto you from a thousand strong crowd of known and unknown faces.

And you look at me with the same look that makes me forget to breath, that makes my knees go weak.

And you say "So?"

SOMETIMES WE ARE TIED TO WHAT WE AVOID.

Chapter - 1 : Confusion

Suddenly he felt an electric sting on his right thigh. Her fingers pinching him there.
She poked him hard to bring him back to the reality.
Startled he looked at her just infront of him,her hands on her hips.
He understood from her looks and grumbles "I dont think we should".
"Its my 9th birth day, on your birth day you will tell what we should do"
She told this and turned back with a toss of her long curly hair and pulled him by the hand.
Again mortified the boy helplessly followed her to the school boundary.
They climbed it and jumped out of the limits and raced to the mango orchard near the school.
They reached the nearest tree, both panting and gasping for air.
She started to climb the tree. "Get down, You will hurt yourself" He whispered loudly,still gasping for air.
"Dont be stupid", she yells with a laughter and throws him a mango. "You know that I am brave than you and much stronger".
He grins sheepishly, biting into that mango, the juice running down his fingers to his clothes.
As she sits on a branch not very high up from the ground, the golden bright sun shines down on her. 
He looks up from his mango to see her slim long legs dangling from the branch, her large brown eyes sparkling in the sunlight, with laughter.
Then there he suddenly felt a lump in his throat. He swallows. And then coughs. 
"Are you all right?"
"I'm fine", he says, frowning up at her and he ran away straight to his home.

Insomnia

I was 25 when I set up this blog.
It was long back, you know. Times when mobile service providers used to charge for incoming calls.
Times when teenagers did not call me uncle. And times when very few blogged.
I was like, "Hey, I write a blog" and most people were like "What is a blog?".
And now, I am 32. Everybody blogs. Amitabh Bacchan. Aamir Khan. Sunny Leone. ( Kidding about the last one. Don't start goggling yet. ).

With time I have changed, my writings changed.
Yesterday One of my old blog reader sent me one of my old writing.
The one i sent to very few people personally but never posted it here.
There was a note at the bottom of the mail.
           
                        "Can you be this again"

And I will be honest. I had forgotten all about it. Gone.Spoof.
Life moulds you, so did I have been moulded by time.

Here people expects me to be funny again.
But I am not anymore, I realised it lately.
Its hard to to live with questions unanswered from life.
I want to ask but I can see her suffering, I can't, May be not now.I dont want to ruin.

So I decided that no more real feelings not funny nor whimpers.
I will write fiction, chapter by chapter.

And I wish
Let peace be upon you. And me.......

Stand for Me Agian

I read everything that I wrote from the time you came into my life.
Now that you are far from me, I am unable to write that way anymore.
I no longer know how to write them, I miss that part of me.
“You are the muse of my creations,” I said proudly, melodramatically. Stupidly.
You said "muses" do nothing but stand still.
If that is true, if that is all that mean to you, then I am begging you to stand there for me again. Because this is all I want.
Please, stand for me again.
Let me write

The Leap of Faith

Take a deep breath, Count to three and exhale.

Let's do it two more times.

Concentrate and control the beating of that heart.

Relax.......

Shift your weight from the toes to the flat of your feet. 

Loosen your muscles of calf and thighs. 

Let your hands fall freely from your shoulder.

Straighten your spine and breath...... Normally.

Now walk to the edge. Don't rush, Don't stumble.

Don't let the fear freeze your legs mid way.

Don't look down, nor to the sky, just the horizon. 

Give a blank stare.

Stop now, you are too close. Stop at two feet from the edge.

No don't turn you face away from the cliff. Face it. 

Still don't look down.

Now do that deep breathing thing one more time.

Relax.

Look at the sky, no not the blankness nor the emptiness rather look at its vastness.

Again do that blank stare at the horizon. 

Let's begin the slide shows, the flash backs. 

Please don't cry, don't laugh.

And please stop that hand from trying to touch the memories.

They are past, let's pretend they are not real.

Now look back one more time. And cut the strings.

I will leave you from here. Go ahead to the edge.

Stand on your toes. Eyes on the horizon.

Mind blank, now just scream one last time.

You know what to scream. Not "God" of-course.

Now is the time, don't leap, don't slide.

Just fall of your own weight.

Take nothing with you but the faith.

And remember the fall is that matters not hitting the bottom.

It doesn't matter whether you hit head, legs or the whole body first. 

Believe me its all the same.

And my last advice.

During the fall ......

Give that all you wanted to give but couldn't.

Say that all you wanted to say but couldn't.

Listen to all that you never listened but pretended.

And live that life you always wanted but afraid to dreamed of.

Now take that LEAP OF FAITH.    

An Untamed Night

I am looking for something which is a mix of sorcery and bedlam, passion and chaos.

I think I am looking for you.

Such a fool for your love, I hold you from six thousand miles away. I hold you as tightly as you hold your phone waiting for it to beep with my message. Today is the night your dimple keeping me awake at the night. And the insane beating of my heart threatens to jump out my chest.

It's a wild night of thunder storm here, and I wish I could kiss you in the rain when the earth goes black and the lightning playing strobes. I will crush the little droplets from your eye lashes with my lips. We will sit at the edge of the street, on the bend of the curve, my hands encircling you. And I will taste the universe drinking the storm puddle out from the center of your palm.

Tonight is an untamed night.

Tonight is a good night to unravel our vulnerability, slowly like untying a ribbon from a gift box.